a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
