I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
