Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
