things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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