I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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