the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
zippers are such a cool invention
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
