peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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