I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
