Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
