I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
