Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
