I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
