I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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