Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
