4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vodka?
Forever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
