Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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