I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
