he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize