You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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