I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
