I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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