I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize