Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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