wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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