Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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