There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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