I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
