She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
