blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
