I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
