I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
