hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How's work?
Spinning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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