The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize