I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
FUCK WHALES
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
