no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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