I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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