I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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