Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
