You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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