She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
