And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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