put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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