Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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