I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
