I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
