You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
