last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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