Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
