I bet he comes in French.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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