return my video game
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
honey bunches of taint.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
