After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
