i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
