Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
