you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
