I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
