She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
