u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you had me at cake vodka
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
