she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize