oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
