Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
