I wish I only lived at night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
