Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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