I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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