After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
