Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
